Chapters Of life

2005-12-10T01:19:00.000-08:00

had been a long time since i update new post.. quite busy recently.. gosh.. i got so mani things to do n remember..had been nejelcting some of my friens.. so sowwie.. tee hee..currently on hands are BBQ on mondae(so mani stuff to buy).. design of NPCC unit shirt.. proposal.. SANA course project..gotta pack my room.... haven finish paintin moii room either.. haven wrap books, have n revise work.. got junior NCO course on da last 3daes.. got drum practice comin up.. got drum performance this month,... got a drum camp.. needa buy christmas present.. needa help on mummy stall ..haven finish homework. haven got the plans for mass camp.. haven finish readin my books. still have to go return to library... WTF.. nuts man.. hehe.. the best thing to do when u are stress up is to quiet sittin down at a cool place. n close your ryes. even if the troubles came in your mind. watch it come n watch it go.. think of a solution.. n make plans.. tats wat i learn from da book.. some sort of meditation.. does it help? a little i guess.. hehe.. read more books n learn more things.. books on self improvement are great. nice to read.. not so borin la.. abt sian sian i knoe. in life. watever u do or watever u learn. it is always an experience gain. dun hab to regret.. n yuppies.. read more books. i love to learn abt earth stuff.. or space like light years? quite interested in light years.. haha.. can browse cook books n whip up some dishes. gee.not bad. . no matter wat. u will learn something.. okies. i m so busy.. i gtg n do my proposal . haha. no time crappin here..n ya.. sth i got da sae.. i live for myself. wat ever u do. it doesnt matter whether ppl jugde u in the point of view u dun like... it onli concern your frens n family. can sae tat we live for ourselves n frens n family.. dun have to bother wat ppl think. jus ask them fuck off n eat shit. wahaha.. insane girl brain is spoil.. to stress.. haha. take care everybody.. wonder who will read my rubbish post. wahahhahaha

chapter2

2005-11-26T05:20:00.000-08:00

my previous post would be gone after sometime. is tat true?? haishais.todae felt quite ok..few daes back again. dunno y felt so moody all the time. hais so mani things undone. i have been wasting time... wonder here n there. now 1 month is gone.. haven pack my room.. clear my stuff.. haven buy books, haven paint my room.. hais. wat a messy life. i wanna quickly finish clearin everythin n start studyin n relax at home. enough of play i think... haha.. i m wastin my holidae times. wat a waste....... hais. stupid girl..

TO sec2F ppl... your chairman misses u so much.. a perfect class i ever had. so rare... we had nvr
sobotage anyone..we had nvr laugh at each other. we had nvr look down on each other. we work together throughout the year together. as a chairman.. i might not be good enough. but there is always your help..u attend meetings for me, u took care of the class for me.. u help me when i was down..simply the greatest classmates i ever had.we got a perfect form teacher. .. everyone is nice n loving. we party together .we play together.we cry n study together.i remember all the times.. we had parties.. we went to beach.. we went fishing... we swim. we eat together..almost everythin .we were so cooperative.. i never had to turn u to Mr Neo.. cos u all are too great.. u listen to me.. n respect me... i realie wanna thanks all of u for helpin me.. i love u all so much tat i believe.in my future life.. no other classes or bunch of buddies can replaced u ... u are jus too great to be true..2F .. i love u whole heartly.. n mr soh too ..thank u......

chapter 1 again

2005-11-25T03:17:00.000-08:00

some ppl sae a dead end is a new beginin.. is tat true huh? nice n cool weather this few daes.. hais.. i ask myself again n again . y m i always so clumsy n confuse.. what is there to worried abt ? i dunno.. hais hais.. ppl always sae tat suicide dun solve the matter.. but i dun agree.. if u die.. u left. den u got no more problems.. yea.. sometimes. is greaat.. wahah.. is bad to have this kind of thoughts.. but.. hais. me.. a messy girl. always have troubles here n ther.. n stupid girl.. real stupid one. i dunno how to handle things... i hate myself.. so clumsy n stupid. yea? haishais. wat a rubbish world.. hate n hate. full of hatred.. rubbish indeed!! wat should i do ? always tot of everythin tat happen. i m so emotional.. hais hais.. little things can burn me up.. i get real upset of little things. wats wrong? can anyone tell me?why? always cant relax myself.. when trouble came. i jus get so stress up.. i tot of suicide more den solving it. stupid me arent i? .. haishais. aint beautiful world... if one dae.. somethin happen again. n i cant take it.. confirm i know.. i suicide.>.<..it might be too bad rite? but. i m scare.. to leave alone.. i dunno where would i go.. haishais.hais n hais.. all i can do is hais.. beautiful dreams i have. interior designer? fashion designer. . hairstylish. police?teacher? ... air stewardess.. lots n lots.. but. hais.. i find it i cant reach tat stage.. i love to study. y not? studyin is fun.. i love so much to gain knowlegde. n skills too. learn n learn. i love it.. nah.. but i dun like to read books. it makes me feel wanna yawn.. den wat ? slp la. of cos.. haha. tats why .. aint no perfect english again.. poor in maths when facing stupid teachers.. rubbish life indeed. messy in everythin.. or issiz the lack of guideness? (is there such word??nvm..haha. i think so.)i always believe in myself. someone independant .. but the truth is. i m fallin apart. whom should i listen to ? .. i m so envy of ppl whom have a nice family.. parents whom take great care of the child.. hey shan.. complain n complain. i m so bad girl. my dad work so hard. yet i complain n complain.. but. was it wrong to envy others family ? how nice when u got a mum to cook for u .. will i ever have this kind of happiness once more? never i guess.. it makes no different whether she exsist in this world. but i do love her of cos.. maybe. she never do her part as a mum. u see.. there i go again. complain abt my parents again. wat a bad child.. slap me man. i m so bad.. sobsob.. there is definately ppl whom are poorer n suffer more den me.. i always tell others n myself.. somehow a word of comfort n to pull yourself up.. hey.. dun worry so much. wat ever happen. is a gain experienced. well . jus 80yrs. more or less.. jus life. duun worry be happie.. always tryin to tell this to others. but. .. i cant think myself tat way.. my god.. my blog.. my frens .. my family.. i m tellin u this.. i realie tried my best.. i tell myself not to cry. i tell myself i can do it.. but i cant. i m realie helpless.. everyone have their weakness... ppl always think tat i m strong..independant. is truth i do things myself. i study. my parents dun have to worry. ppl think i m mature enough. they think i have leadership qualities. my creativity of ideas.. tell ya wat.. is all bullshit la.. i m useless n stupid.. simply brainless.. i cant handle anythin..onli somethin i can handle. my class.. as a classchairman. my nice little classmates.sweet n nice.. easy to handle. but.. maybe not. after all. i m stupid.. duh.. stupiddd little fellow.. i guess no body is readin my blog.. wat the fuck is happenin to me.. depress everydae. continue like this.. i would suicide soon.. horrify with this world.. n the past. nightmare fills me.. yea yea.they always sae tat past.. is the past. forget it.. n move forward. fuck lor.. where got so easy forget.. rubbish ... I M FALLING APART>>HELP!!!

chapter9

2005-11-16T12:00:00.000-08:00

long time never update my blog le.. sian... tot of the ATC camp all nite.. although it was tough.. but it left me with wonderful memories.. cos all the activities n group 6 ppl was so fun.. i love ya all!!! russel? iswandi?henry? margret? king kong? haha.. jiajie.. nice guy ar.. he is such a joker.. fills me with joy n laughter throughout the camp.. so happie tat i get a chance to knoe all thearea5 ppl.. cOOL!! but.. there is one girl in group7.. n she simply sucks like hell.. the FAT PIG... she took our rations n ask me do so much things.. bloody bitch.. haha.. we hate her rite? like wat zi xun sae.. stuff the cucumber into her @#$%%^...... hahah.. wat the fcuk.. haha.. i remember how guoming scold the sir.. sir ask him.. u not happie issiz? den he shout at him.. YES SIR! haha.. no disipiline cadets.. wahahahah.the sirs n m'am can be unreasonable at times. cant help it also.wahaha.. holidae is bored.. i dunno how to spend my time.. i had wasted lots of time doin nth but playin.. dec is time for me to study !! quickly run through my text books n prepare well for next year.. tats it bah.. i coulden get a job also.. aiya.. dun do la.. play n study can le.. dots... k k . take care everyone!!!! sayonara

with love <3>

chapter 8

2005-11-01T15:53:00.001-08:00

it had been a long time since i update moii blog..kinnda busy .. hais.. next year i in 3H.. not much friends there .. nvm la.. is ok bah.. although alot naughty ppl there.. hmm.. holidae two months leh .. quite long ar.. yawn.. yesterdae de yesterdae nite, went out with moii friends. to town.. halloween nite leh .. den went to MS find moii frien.. went to play pool.. old changi hospital..(so scary sia).. went punngol end pinic.. went alot places.. sit in their car watch movie. nice show sia.. play till mornin. till afternoon i suppose.. yawn.. den yesterdae slp whole dae.. haha.. yea. tml goin out with catherine.. go town.. never endin fun... wahaha.. look happie de me but actuaali inside is like shit.. thunderstormm sia. hais.. dun talk abt it le la.. dun u find life borin? we gotta study... work .. play? play also not tat fun sia.. even if u go outt of this country to japan or somewhere it is still like tat onli.. or even if u go space .yes... cool.. but.. after all u gonna go back here n work n study for the rest of your life.. when u get old.. u can retired le.. but. so old le also nth to enjoy liao .. onli wait to die lor.. life so sian .. i livin in here 14 years le. arl so dammm sian ..hais.. wonder wats life in future.. so damm sick studyin . hais.. borin life.. SIAN!!! but... i haven enjoy enough vodka n clubbin... wahha.. no point also .. life is stupid..

chapter7

2005-10-10T21:52:00.000-07:00

..... gee...maths is over..scienece is over.. phew.. left with lit n Dnt.. kampateh!!!!! the science paper was so easy.. i can close moii eyes n do it... haha.. i tot the 100 marks gonna be my..but.. i made two mistake... 1 mark for the first n half mark for the 2nd..hais..maybe till can get 90 plus..as for maths... think wil fail bah... section b even after i finish.. i estimate the marks onli maximum can get is 22/50..... failed.. sectionA i left around 6 qn n i onli do abt less than half the paper onli.... the time so little.. forget abt it.. no matter happened, i always tell myself tat i m not gonna give up....but..... hais.. i still can do the qn....
Yesterday(sundae) i studied frm noon when i woke up till the next dae.. at 12,i ate lunch n start .studyin..all the dae till 6pm... i went for dinner.. rush the food n nearly shocked.. 7pm,i study again..with no breaks.. n i realie meant tat sittin down without doin any other stuff.. jus study. till 11pm.. i felt tired.. i rest abt 5mins to drink coffee n take vitamin pills for energy of cos.. n i continued..till 4.30am.. i began to feel uncomfortable.. when the clock strike 5, i was total nuts in the brain...... i cry lookin at the paper.. i have so many more chapters but i left with onli a few hours n i needa hurry to sch.. i pack my stuff,took a bathe n went to sch... i bot red bull too.. energy giving drink.so damm sweet lor.. drank it at sch..
After sch, we went to heartland(peisi,qiaoweii,jiaxin,bingsen,eugene,me) n had lunch n decided to go sentosa.. crazy us.. after we reach farrer park, some of them wanted to go somewhere else.. so we went to dhoby ghuat..den takashimaya..den far east... such a tired dae without slpin... anyway.. alot ppl got sore eyes in my class.. dunno why.. qiao wei got..bing sen got..zhixiang got... peisi got... jiaxin also got.. n worst still..dion got dengue fever.. oh man.. pls take good care of yourself.... dun be like a kid... ppl.. exams may cause with stress n result to sick so u all should know it n eat more healty food... ya.. dun eat too much fried food.eat more veg n fruits....well..2f...stay healthy.. i love u all.. *muackies*

remember the times remember the day
u sat beside me n told me u would stay
i look at u ,i look into sky
i knew we would score n show me shine
i told myself i listen closely
forever doesnt exsist treasure is the only mean
i feel the hurt,i looked in the mirror
i knew i remember the times of day
the days we play,the days we cry
memories in me never dies
we have to go,we have to grow
but we will meet again if we go
so with no worries the hurt shall perish
we stood up like how we use to be
i shout to u n u have to knoe
2f i nvr regret having u ........

yanshan

chapter6

2005-10-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

phew....still got some exams left...sian.. dun mind studying science.... teacher said tat the maths paper is veri difficult. she wanted to see who are the better ones to go for A.math.... ? i think so.. crazy fellow.. she always purposly set so difficult de..wah piang..... tat time mid year one also... freak man.. maths is so damm sickening.....she made mi hate it....i m worried for maths n litertuare.... chinese exam had finished..so is eng n geography n all the compo.. i believe i did quite well or ok for these....but.. lit n maths.. i got no confidence at all..cant be confident ..i dun understan the stupid stories n stupid fomula... sian.... hack care la.... open one eye close one eye...anyhow agar agar can le... yummy..agar agar nice to eat..haha... we gotta face the music..gosh....yup...stop talking abt exams man... wa ha.. moii throat is getting better.. but still got phelgm... or phlegm? how do i spell it...oh. nvm....i believe is it the fault of the "honey" cough syrup.... are u asking me to drink sugar? it was soooooo sweet... the chinese de..chuan pei pi pa gao...useless medince..the dad of mine force me to drink it!! eeuukk... i dun like it ...nvm.. is arl digested in my stomach...haha..anyway ..yesterday saw mr soh twin bro..haha..they are identical... almost the same voice ..same hair.. the way they walk.. dressing.is all the same! ! haha...so funny.. jiaxin..peisi n qiaowei laugh like mad .. ha.. so funny..wonder how is he like.. i think mr soh is better bah..he is the best of all!!! hehe... *cough cough*.. after exam gonna excercise more.. growing fatter..less drum trainin+less nppc+less P.E+more sch work+more exam+less excercise= FATS!! beri long time nvr eat ice cream n chocolate liao..other snacks too... i have watchin moii diet with more fruits n vegs but.. sick in the end.. n still fat.....hais..... feel like eatting chocolates... hehe

chapter5

2005-10-06T17:05:00.000-07:00

hais.. i m so sick.... cant talk le.. got sore throat.. nose blocked all night..cant breathe cant slp.. throat so damm dry.. gosh... moii head so pain... still got so much to study...finally,today geography paper has ended...phew.. i studied so long for it... 12pm noon till 2am ....study like mad. yet..some questionn also dunno how to do... i wonder will i get high marks....hais..n yup.. i lost alot of things ..dunno all fly where... ppl in class always mess up all the stuff... moii science n geography file went missin.. n the geography guide bk..so ex sia. i bot n lost it.. sob.. i m quite worried for the comin lit lest n maths... moii maths is always horrible.. n literature got alot readin.. n some of the stories i dun understan.. like the wat thistle number1 de.. so difficult.. luckily it is not mechant of vernice.. if not i would go crazy..haha.....after exam i gonna go shoppin !!! wa hahahah... still gotta work hard.. kampateh!!!

chapter4

2005-10-03T23:36:00.000-07:00

hais... i was wondering..should i go sch tml? i had been slacking.. play n dream..watch tv... looking at my textbook.. it is driving me crazy.. i knew nothin..... nuts i m goin... gee.. felt bad to let mr soh worry abt me all the time..... hais. jus dun wanna go sch lookin at all the bloody bitches... they teach like shit...so many days nvr go sch le..gonna be one week le.. shoulden have skip in the first place.. gee.. now..hais.. how m i gonna score high marks again? i dun wish to see 60s n 70s in my papers.. i wan 80plus..if better 90plus..impossible la.. aiya.. i m really totally worn out.. study n study since dunno when.... i gonna go crazy...studyin is tired..we cant stop..since kindergarden till now.. everyone have been studying..yawns.... so bored..we still got years to go.. wish to go poly n university.. ppl whom onli knew how to play all day.. especially those streets gangers.... oh my.. is such a wasteful of time... plenty of time they wasted.. some ppl onli wanna have fun ..but trust me man..if u dun wanna work hard..your life would simply be rubbish..if u dun work hard now.. u will suffer in future.. tat means your whole life u cant gain anythin.. dun think tat u shoulden bother... cant say tat it is jus life..... but.since u are here.. why dun u use it properly?y not work hard now n enjoy a proper future?yea.. u have to work hard anyway... u might be worn out sometimes.. but..still.. hais..watever.. yawns......

Chapter3

2005-09-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

i had not been goin sch for 2daes le...so called ponten la.. who cares anyway? yesterdae i woke up early.. jus like usual . n met yupei n yuhui at heartland... we went to mac n study.. ppl skip sch to hang out with frens..but we skipped sch to have self study.. isnt tat funny? haha.. well.. mdm tan lin realie cant teach..whats wrong with nowadaes teachers?they simply ignore thier own students.. yes.. i do appreciate if u show care.. but they didnt.. she will always ask.."ppl! do u understan?" but when i shouted "no teacher!".. she would jus continue.. wat the hell? moi result had been dropin since miss madeline left.. for maths onli la.. hais.. everytime when the bell ish gone.she would pack her stuff n leave..even if u take out a knife n chop your classmates into pieces....she would ignore.. wah piang.. she treat us like an idiot.. so sad.. i love to study..but she made me lost interest in maths.. sobsob.. i took out moii textbk to see through the topics.. oh my.. i dunno a single stuff... everyone ish winin over me n i coulden get top anymore.. i felt so ashamed of moiiself..i jus wish i could burn away all the books.. freak.... i dunno how i m goin to take moii year end exam.. it is beri important. but i haven even start studyin!! i even skip sch
!! tml the year end exam will start.. but i m still dreamin down heree... i realie dun wan to take out moi book to study.. i dun wan!! i dunno anythin! i took abt 3hours jus a understan a small part of the topic..wat the hell? i m soooo stupid ..admit it girl.. i m stupid.. brainless fellow.. wat the hell ish this stupid world.?. we got so much exam n test.. we have enrichment n mass leture for our mini test. the mini test ish meant for preparin for our class test.. our class test ish meant for preparin our common test.. our common test ish meant for preparin for our year end paper..n so .. we have test n had test n test n test..since january.. i m worn out.. i coulden bother abt year end paper anymore.. although i kept thinkin.. aiya.. why should i bother ? it is jus an exam..all i should is to try our best.. but come to think of tat... i knew i cant.. i jus cant stop worryin..i duno wat to study.. is all full of notes in moii file.. this n tat. i m so confused.. i confirm fail de.... tml got exam ...how? i haven study anythin n i m still sitin here.. gosh.. i m goin mad...

Chapter 2

2005-09-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

well.. on 24september.. two days ago.. i went out with jackson.. oh my.. i tot he woulden agree to come out de.. i m so happy.. tat was fun. he ish kinnda cute n funny..wierd too. yupp.. he ish beri cheerful too.. haha... hmm..we went to watch a movie.. red shoes. but. unluckily.. me this small girl here cant watch.. is NC16.. wah piang..so suay... sobsob..nvm lor..haha.we went to arcade too.. blah n blah.. i enjoyed tat dae veri mmuch... thanks.. well .. as for todae.. nth much happened lor.. normal school daes.. borin n sian.. hais..maybe next time ask jackson go swimin.. haha.. hais.. exam comin.. but.. i m still sittin in front of the com playin... sian lor.. hais.. dun feel like studyin lor.. i dun understan wat tat teacher tokin.. she teach so fast.. wah liao ..

under chapter1

2005-09-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

i look into your eyes .. i feel it.. the sweetness.. oh my.. here i m .. looking above the sky.. it doesnt seems to be easy..things always turn out in a bad way.... maybe..i do not knoe how to cherish but i will do best .. hey .. i looking forward.. to the dae. the dae tat i can finally tell u somethin ....... truly ish frm the bottom of moii heart.. capture moii soul n i cant escape.. it will be crush n shattered if this stuff dosent agree by u on tat veri dae.. oh my.. if it truly happens..... it would be so memorable tat i wish everythin turn out perfectly n i will always remember.. i promise...... yanshan

oh moii dearest,
listen to moii heart..u can feel moii soul..they are calling for u ..but y ? y did u ignore it?can't u feel it? i knoe u can..cos i trust u .. wholeheartly...evrythin is jus for u ...pls
feel it.. n listen to it slowly.. i need an ans... frm u .. onli u ...the onli one...

shan ....................

chapter 1

2005-09-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

this is the first time i m writting in moii blog.. yea... hais.. life ish boring.. i love to study but i jus cant concentrate......hais...stupid ass.. didnt get top 5 in moii commom test ..SUCKS sia.. so damm sad.. well ..nvm la..who cares? haha. no big deal =p...haha..oops.. i forgot wat to write le.. moii memory is gettin worst to worst.. soon one dae i might forget all moi frens...haha.. hais.. wish i can go on holidae to genting or disneyland..keke.. yeah.. impossible.. hais. so many exam.. stupid bloody sch..wat the fcuk is this?? all dae long ish test n test n test n test ...sucks lor.. u will go mad.. u will nvr knoe how much test we got in jus a month .. n worst still... heard tat next year there wun be any art classes for normal academic.. hey !! wat the hell.. n yup.. they sae not enough literature teacher so there wun be literature also.. n for science. we cant choose to take biology also ....KAO!! mus well close down de sch if we cant choose anythin .. no ART means no LIFE!! i wanna be designer... interior designer or somethin .. but y no art? sucks la... stupid school... damm stupid.. n yup... tat dae fridae we got promotion test .. hais.. wat ish so important abt those stupid useless rank ?? i still believe that the most important ish tat u learn somethin. isnt it? i did learn alot in NPCC..all those gun shootin n stuff. is tough.. for alot of stuff . it is tough .. but i still enjoy it in someway.. of cos i hope tat i an get moii rank n higher ranks.... but is not realie so bad tat i would die over it if i fail. . not like those crazy ppl like deirdre n edmund. they put so much effort for ranks n bagde.. haha... no use la.. believe me.. be like wan zi.. haha.. wa haha.. hais.. anyway.. i m waiting for thursdae .. n saturdae..yea.. wan zi knoe y ... haha.. i realie hope u will agree .. jlcg..... alright..